Kristin (kristypadalecki) wrote,
Kristin
kristypadalecki

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Remembering Grandma

Today would have been my Grandma's 95th birthday but sadly she did not live to see it. =( She passed away in 1997 after a very lengthy battle with Alzheimer's disease. I had a very strong bond with my Grandma, the two of us did all sorts of things together. She'd even take me to McDonald's and get a Happy Meal with me! Unfortunately those times were cut short after my Grandpa decided he couldn't take living here any more and wanted to move down south. A few years after they had moved my Grandma suffered a severe fall and things began to subtley change. I'm not sure if the fall triggered the Alzheimer's but she was never the same afterwards.

They ended up moving back near us some years later and by that time she was beginning to really show signs of the dread to come. She would ask the same questions over & over, forget where she lived, acuse my Grandpa of having an affair and pack up her things on a daily basis. It finally reached the point where my Grandpa could no longer manage her care so she had to be placed in a nursing home (that was the worst thing that could've ever been done to her). She went downhill very swiftly after going there, and before too long she did not remember any of us and had to be tied to her chair and bed. It was so traumatic going to visit her, I finally had to stop. I have never gotten over the guilt and the kinds of horrors that I witnessed in watching her go from a vibrant, intelligent person to a mere shell with a blank stare and no light behind her eyes. :`(

When she finally did pass away, as awful as this sounds, it was a blessing and a relief. For anyone who has experienced a loved one go through that, I know you can relate. I loved her so very much and still miss having her in my life, especially our trips to McDonald's, just the two of us. I truly feel robbed and will never be a complete person because I didn't get to have her influence in my life for a longer time. My other Grandparents don't even speak to my family and never stepped up when I was younger, but I won't get into that now. I just wish my Grandma was still here. To anyone lucky enough to have one or two, treasure them while they are on this earth. Even if things get hard or frustrating, cherish their presence and wisdom because when they are gone, it leaves a tremendous void.


Tags: birthday, grandma
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